Picture This: Part ✌🏿

Picture this: March 2021. After 9 PM. He's asleep with the kids in our bed with the TV on of course. TV still on in the living room, so I tidy up. An MK watch. Hmm, this is new and expensive and he didn't say anything about a new watch. Outside in the truck, in a Vikings bookbag I'd given him was an expensive pair of shoes. Okay, now this is really interesting. He would've told me he'd gotten these shoes. Drum beats or heart beats? In his closet, the box hidden under clothes. In the box, the packing slip with her information. (Yes, I hit her up to let her that I knew, that he was free to be with her, and really...thank you.)

Basically, this was a twisted, heartbreaking, sordid version of Blue's Clues, but unlike the last time, I was prepared. It was just what I needed to finally stop fighting against what I knew had to be done. I'd prayed for signs and guidance, and for the previous year or so, I'd denied the very things I'd asked God for. That night I confronted him (not God) and I decided without hesitation that we were done. The marriage? Melt-in-ya-mouth, fall-off-the-bone done. No amount of pleading, begging, looking lost and sick would change my mind. This time I wasn't searching for how to fix anything. I'd done the work. I did my part. He faked his. Typical. No, better yet, this was a character trait. 

Picture this: Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Extravagant pomp & circumstance. He is the parade type: showy, elegant or flashy, big smile, larger than life personality around others, talkative - so good at talking, manipulating and deflecting. I never was the type, and somehow I seem to have attracted the type of guy who felt like he needed to "put on" for others...or for me. He's not the first one, but the only one that I married and gave so much of my life, time, and energy to. I guess when the crowd is no longer wowed by the show, because it's been seen so much and really isn't necessary, the show finds a new audience. In his case, he sought out young women who were desperate, lost, and/or lacked critical skills like discernment, confidence, and esteem to apply that part where they knew better. (I shared this with him months later. There was an observable and obvious pattern.) I must have been his greatest challenge, but with the stuff I'm made of...hmph.

Picture this: three, four, six, seven different FB messenger threads of him reaching out to that many females. Wanting to take them out for a friendly lunch or dinner. My treat! Now, ain't that bout a *****. I literally never even got so much as a "check your cash app, I sent you some lunch money". Oh, but after he got found out, flowers, chocolates and stuff bears showed up at my job. He showed up at my job on what would've been our 9-year marriage anniversary. (There was no cause to celebrate).

In one particular message, he had apparently told the young lady that he was divorced and they had started a relationship. He'd sent links to matching outfits and all sorts of things. (See - he likes to play dress-up lol.) Where I was in the scenario? IDK. 😐 I stirred that pot and of course he had to make it right on a Sunday morning; smooth things over during an abrupt trip to WH. No, I don't want anything. Believe it or not, he still thought I would stick around. Tuh! 

Picture this: Me in Bourbon Street with my sister. Our sister trip - summer edition. Him back home doing what he does well. Through a semi heated text exchange, he boldly says "let's file the papers". Okay. Bet. However, that wasn't done for another THREE months. After my return, he wanted to take me on date. Why? It was all a show. A cowardice move. For a coward, I'd taken a stand to no longer defend, protect, or be the hard-loving ride or die chick I had been for years. Too loyal. It shook him. She ain't the same B.

I'll never be that one again. I can't be. My experiences along this journey has grown me, stretched me, taught (or learned) me, and led me to who I am and where I am today. Moving away without the baggage helped me to feel alive again. To live again. To experience life in a totally different way. 

Picture this: FREEDOM.

I AM HEALED. I AM WHOLE. I AM LOVED. I AM FREE.

- B.